I debated whether or not I should write this. I then debated whether or not I should publish it. But this site is about me and my life, and since many of you are curious as to how Tor and I manage certain things of our marriage, I felt it wasn’t too off-topic to share. As I write this post, my husband Tor is en route to Ireland to film his latest project (I will let him announce what it is). If I told you that I handle all of his travels abroad well, I’d be lying. In this extremely personal post, I am sharing how we handle long distance.
Tor and I have had to deal with long distance during our entire relationship together, which will be 8 years this upcoming July. Tor and I understand that we don’t have an ordinary relationship or life. We aren’t naive – we know how lucky we are to be able to spend as much time together as we do and that we have careers that take us all over the globe by each other’s side. But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There are some projects that take him abroad for six months, like in 2016 where he had to relocate to Spain just one week after our wedding. There are other projects that take him abroad for 3 years, like in 2013 when he booked Reign and we relocated to Toronto. I usually get to go with him, but other times I am needed at home in LA and cannot always make the journey the entire time.
The best way on how we handle long distance is communication. Since we first met in person in July 2010 (see the story on how we met and our first date here), there has never been a day that goes by where we do not speak. That’s 2777 days of constant communication. Whether it be via text or FaceTime or Skype, we are always talking to each other. When Tor is abroad in Europe, he is usually 8 or 9 hours ahead, so I look forward to waking up in the morning to at least 5-10 messages from him when he started his day. I even change my schedule back home in LA to be even earlier than usual so I can try to be awake when Tor is as much as possible. It may seem drastic to some, but it’s how I handle long distance the best.
Communication has always been our biggest method in keeping the love alive while apart. At the same time, we have seen over the last 8 years that time apart is very healthy. Tor and I are practically attached at the hip most days, especially when we are at home. One reason why that is is because we never know when we will have to be separated again, as projects for Tor can and usually come up last minute (see my post on life as an actor’s wife here). This new project he is working on came up just two weeks ago. Before then, we had no idea we would be spending the month of March back in Europe, especially since we just returned from Finland. We don’t have 9-5 jobs (though we have held them in the past), so we wake up beside each other, tackle our days beside each other, and go to bed beside each other. While this seems like champagne problems to some, it makes the first few days of being apart a bit difficult.
But as I said earlier, being apart is healthy because we are together so often. After the first few days of adjusting to not being by each other’s side, we are able to carry on with life as normal. I keep myself busy with work at home and spend a lot of time with my friends, and he keeps himself busy with filming and hanging with our many friends abroad. The best part about being separated for a time? That same exact butterfly feeling I had on the night we met nearly 8 years ago comes fluttering back every moment I see him again. I won’t see Tor again until March 26, but I am looking forward to that giddy butterfly feeling on that day.
I am so proud of my husband. He is talented, handsome, and so incredibly kind and caring. What most people don’t know is he essentially has two jobs. First and foremost, he is an actor. It’s what he has done since he was a child and what he is most passionate about. He’s been a part of so many fun television shows and movies. Every time I watch him on screen, I’m even prouder than I already am. Secondly, he is my partner and photographer for this site. I am beyond lucky I have a man like Tor who encourages me and pushes me to follow my passions and provides unconditional support. He selflessly helps me with The A List even when his own schedule is full, and for that I will always grateful. All these things make being away from him harder, but it makes for our reunions to be even happier and more exciting.
Are you in a long distance relationship or marriage? If so, what helps you cope with the distance?
Photos by Carter Fish.