A few of you have asked me what life is like being an actor’s wife. As most of you all know from my social media (and from my blog posts in Spain throughout last year), my husband Torrance has a new television series premiering this upcoming Monday on ABC called Still Star-Crossed. Quick synopsis: it reveals what happens to Romeo and Juliet’s families as well as all of Verona after their deaths…. and it’s not good. But while almost everyone knows the story of Romeo and Juliet, not many know what our story is like and what exactly life is like being an actor’s wife.
I always knew life with Tor would be adventurous and unconventional. If you aren’t yet familiar with how we met, he starred in a television series I was obsessed with called The Tudors. He noticed my excited, giddy tweets about the show when it was airing, and he reached out to say hello. We have been together ever since – just about seven years now! Check out the full story of how we met here.
With that said, I knew what I was in for when we began to date (and eventually marry). I knew he’d have sex scenes, I knew he’d be spending long hours on set, I knew his job would take us around the world whether we were prepared or not, and I knew there would be times where not much would be coming in and he’d question himself and his talent (don’t worry guys, I bop him on the head every time he says he thinks he sucks).
Today I am sharing 5 facts about what it’s like being an actor wife, a role I have been playing years before we even officially tied the knot and shared the same last name.
1. Life Is Always Up In The Air
I know for this blog it seems that Tor and I travel ALL THE TIME but in reality, a lot of our trips are booked super last minute. And even then, sometimes we have to cancel those trips. When you’re an actor, you’re never quite sure when you’re going to be called in for a project or to shoot on set and you can’t exactly put the whole production on hold so you can go frolic on a beach in Maui for the blog. We never know our schedule, and for me that took the most adjustment because I am SUCH a planner (I inherited that from my mom). I like to have everything planned down to the last detail, but when your husband could be called to South Africa to film a movie in two weeks, well then that’s the new plan! Something similar actually happened around our wedding last year – Tor had to fly to Spain to film the first episode of Still Star-Crossed just DAYS after our wedding! That meant we had to completely change our honeymoon dates at the last minute. Another trip that was recently affected was our trip to Austria. We had booked a week in Austria (three days in Vienna, two in Salzburg, and two in Munich), but Tor’s filming schedule changed at the last minute due to weather so we had to rearrange our flights and cancel the first half of our Austria trip (but it was still all worth it in the end!). Sometimes it can get incredibly frustrating, especially since we run this site together and most of the time our travels are for The A List. But we always find ways to make it work because we are a team.
2. Prepare To Move A Lot and Have Multiple Addresses
This kind of goes with #1 above, but when you’re married to an actor there’s a very big chance you’ll probably have to relocate to wherever they are filming. When Tor booked Reign back in 2013, we had a few weeks to pack our bags (and our cats) and relocate to Toronto for three years. We still kept our Los Angeles home, but we also had to apartment hunt and furniture hunt (and veterinarian hunt) in a new city (and a new country for me!). The exhausting part was I ended up having to trek back and forth a lot between LA and Toronto for my initial career as a model. Then when Still Star-Crossed got picked up for a full series last year while we were on our honeymoon, we had just under two months to get everything ready to relocate to Spain for five months. Of course this is a complete first world problem, but our relocation meant our renovations on our new home in Los Angeles had to get postponed indefinitely (and still are!). While living around the world sounds super exciting and it most certainly is, it can definitely get a bit exhausting and sometimes that culture shock of actually living abroad is super intense (living in Spain when you don’t eat a lot of certain meats proved to be a major dietary challenge for me). At the same time, I’m always anxious to find out where we get to call home next. However, there are plenty of times where I don’t get to join Tor because my blog is based in Los Angeles, and we spend weeks and sometimes months apart. We are no stranger to long distance and we speak all day every single day whenever we are apart, but that doesn’t always make it easy.
3. He Has Sex Scenes
I mean, this was going to be a given. I first noticed him in The Tudors where his character spends five episodes sleeping with the queen. Tor doesn’t shy away from whatever a role requires of him (he didn’t hold back digging into a barrel of snakes on Reign!) and it would be completely selfish of me to tell him he needs to put limits on his job because I’m in the picture now. Actors kiss whether it’s on stage, on television, or in film. They are evoking everyday life and that’s what people in real life do. It does not really bother me as I would expect it would for others. And who knows, maybe a decade from now it could start to bother me, but at the end of the day he comes home to me and I get to call him mine. If I demanded Tor put limits on what he can and cannot do for his job that he has been doing for over 10 years before we met, well then we probably wouldn’t and shouldn’t be together. I respect his job and he respects mine (granted, mine doesn’t involve getting naked with another dude but still).
4. It Feels Like Your Husband Has Multiple Personality Disorder
If our neighbors didn’t know Tor was an actor, they’d probably think he was insane! This fact mainly pertains to pilot season when auditions for new shows come in bulk. Tor can spend most of the day walking around the house rehearsing lines for more than one audition. One minute he is British, and the next minute he is Southern, but then the next minute he is German. One day he’s a police detective, the next day he is a prince, and the next day he is military captain. But even when he is filming a television series for several months, particularly Reign and Still Star-Crossed, he spends most of the day going back and forth between a British accent and his Canadian one. It definitely keeps the atmosphere in the house entertaining!
5. You Make Friends Around The World
This is probably my favorite fact. Thanks to my husband’s career, we have friends that are family to us all over the world. And I am not just talking about his costars because even some of his fans have become such close friends. We can say we have close friends in London, Dublin, Australia, Spain, Canada, New York, and more. When you have to relocate halfway around the world for several months to a new town or new country, his costars become family because we are all each other has at the moment. I experienced it firsthand in Toronto with Reign, but Tor always shares stories of his time with this Tudors family in Ireland.
And while sometimes it may not always seem easy and glamorous as it all appears, I will never say that we are not lucky getting to live the life that we do. I never expected I would marry an actor and sure sometimes I would like to stay grounded in one place, but I didn’t marry my husband’s career. I married my husband because I love who he is, how he treats me, and how much he makes me laugh through so much every single day. He makes this nomadic life extra special and adventurous, and it’s why I will continue to do all of this with him every single day for the rest of our lives.
Be sure to watch Still Star-Crossed beginning this Monday at 10/9c on ABC, and look out for my man playing Count Paris.
Photos by Felicia Lasala.
On Alyssa: ASOS dress (also comes in gingham; similar here and here) // Frye Sandals (also just bought these currently on sale) // Bembien bag (similar here) // Halogen neckerchief (similar here and here) // Stila Stay All Day Lipstick in Perla